AITA for divorcing my wife after she microwaved my leftover Chipotle burrito while I was mid-raid in World of Warcraft?

[supersage]

Throwaway because my main has too much karma and also my wife knows my username (yes, she still follows me on Reddit even though we’re separated, which is its own issue, but whatever).

Okay so I (29M) need to give some background or this won’t make sense. My wife (28F) and I have been together for 7 years, married for 3. We met on Reddit actually (r/datingoverthirty back when it still had standards). Everything was great at first. We bonded over mutual hatred of pineapple on pizza, shared memes, and the fact that we both thought the sequel trilogy was a crime against humanity. Classic Reddit love story.

Fast forward to last Tuesday.

I had ordered Chipotle the night before. Double chicken, white rice, black beans, mild salsa, cheese, sour cream, lettuce, and extra guac (yes I paid the surcharge, I am not an animal). I specifically put it in the fridge with a sticky note that said “DO NOT TOUCH – RESERVED FOR POST-RAID RECOVERY. THIS MEANS YOU.” I even drew a little skull and crossbones. Very clear communication.

I get home from work, log into WoW (mythic+ season is brutal this week, we were pushing a +18), and I’m about 40 minutes into a particularly sweaty dungeon. My stomach starts growling. I tell the group “brb food” and go to the kitchen.

The burrito is gone.

Not partially eaten. Not moved. GONE. The sticky note is still there, mockingly stuck to the empty shelf.

I check the trash. Nothing. I check the microwave. Still warm. Residual cheese residue on the turntable. The evidence was overwhelming.

I walk into the living room where she is watching some Netflix show about rich people being sad. I say, as calmly as a man whose post-raid burrito has been stolen can say:

“Did you eat my Chipotle?”

She doesn’t even look up. “Oh, was that yours? I thought it was from earlier this week. It was just sitting there.”

Just. Sitting. There.

I explained the sticky note. She said sticky notes are “passive aggressive.” I explained that double chicken + extra guac is $18.75 after tax and tip and that I had been mentally preparing for that burrito for 11 hours. She said I was “overreacting” and that “it’s just food.”

Just food.

I went back to my computer, wiped on the key, and typed into guild chat: “guys I think I have to get divorced.” Half the raid thought I was joking. The other half linked me divorce lawyers.

That night I slept on the couch. She came out at 2 a.m. and said “are you seriously still mad about the burrito?” I said yes. She said “this is why people on Reddit say men are children.” I said “this is why people on Reddit say never get married.” Stalemate.

The next day I started researching. Not just divorce lawyers. I made a spreadsheet. Columns: “emotional labor distribution,” “financial contribution ratio,” “Chipotle theft severity,” “willingness to respect clearly labeled leftovers.” The numbers were not in her favor.

I also posted a poll in three different subs (throwaway of course). Results:

• r/AmItheAsshole: 68% NTA
• r/relationship_advice: “you both need therapy”
• r/WoW: “she’s a loss. /gquit”

I confronted her with the data. She cried. Said I was choosing a video game and a burrito over our marriage. I said I was choosing basic respect and the sanctity of labeled leftovers. She packed a bag and went to her sister’s.

That was four days ago. She’s been texting me paragraphs. I respond with single-word answers or memes. She called me immature. I sent her the Wikipedia page for “object permanence.”


So… AITA?

Some of you are going to say “it’s just a burrito.” Some of you are going to say “communication issues.” Some of you are going to say I should have used a better sticky note. But I need the collective wisdom of this website that has ruined more relationships than it has saved.

Also if anyone has a good lawyer in the Seattle area who mains a resto druid, hit my DMs.

Edit: wow this blew up. Front page of r/all? Wild.

Edit 2: Yes I still have the receipt. Yes the guac was extra. No I will not be sharing the receipt photo because doxxing.

Edit 3: To the people saying “just order another one” — you don’t understand. It wasn’t about the burrito. It was about the principle. Also the new Chipotle near me has been skimping on chicken since the price increase and I’m not rewarding that behavior.

Edit 4: Wife has now made a Reddit account and is commenting. Don’t engage. She is not to be trusted with leftovers OR narrative framing.

Final edit: I’m deleting this account after I get enough validation. Or maybe not. Depends on the awards.

 

[swaggrz]

Why runescape is better