>CIA IS MAKE MY SON GAY
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Nihilma blog

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Steve was kind enough to wish me well on my ventures, so I thought I'd make an update thread here as well. I think there's no need to tell of the consistency to expect of my posting here.

God has been kind to me, as always. I'm in the middle of an internship in a bakery / pastry shop of a week for the owners to see if they want to keep me in an apprenticeship. As of now, this is what I've bet all my money on, so to speak. It's one of the best shops in town, and this is not to flaunt on the french food culture, but it means it really is a place with a high degree of quality and therefore talent. So it's not sure at all they'll keep me, I have to work really hard to get to their standards. God willing, I make it, otherwise my plans will have to be reformed a bit.

It's now almost certain that I'll at one point become an orthodox catechumen. This is without the slightest disdain or discontent with my protestant upbringing and entourage, which I love, appreciate, respect and admire for their piety. I am however convinced of a fullness found within this Church. When that is done is however unsure, as I want to, if possible, go through with this transition without creating an unnecessary rupture within my family. We'll see about how it goes.

It's close to the hiking season again, I've already got some things planned. I'm going to start running again, in the hopes of getting some cardio back for the trekks. I'll probably send photos here. I plan on hiking in the Vercors (pic related) once again. It's the mountain rage of my whole childhood, the biggest natural reserve of metropolitan France and just a wonderful place. I'll go in the Chartreuse too, in the Belledone mountain rage, probably, and we'll see after that. As always, it'll mostly be hikes in duo, with one to three nights in tent. This is the best way to do it imo, for it gives the space and time necessary to really allow profound discussions with whomever you hike with.

The 4chan hack was weird and fun to watch, except for the excessive spam of DNB, TND, and real woman and sexual baiting which followed. I discovered the community of the 'cuck, and it was different than what I imagined it being. Way more minbdroken by porn than I thought, but also diverse. /biz/ seems like a cool community, even if I don't give the first care about such methods of making money. /nate/ was a hellhole, so were /pol/ and /a/. Interestingly, /tv/ had nothing about tv shows, and was just about lusting about stars and Shit Absolutely No One In the World Would Ever Imagine Giving A Shit About. Sad to see that the whole of the sharty's pph came from them though, and the moment the 'cuck got back online, all the new interesting boards died.

That's about it for now on my side, thanks for cheking in. Again, God bless, and Christ is Risen.
 
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The catechumenate is basically the "entry level" into the Eastern Orthodox Church, so it just means that I'm entering the Church and wish to join it. Chrismation is a sacrament in the same way that baptism is, and it's used in a service that deems one a member of the Orthodox Church. Specifically, as far as I know, chrismation is the brushing of myrrh ("chrism"; anointing oil) onto a person to seal their being with the Holy Spirit.
Thats awesome well done bib
 
I think the best way to start'd be to just do one of those alternative activities you've listed whenever you feel tempted to get online, or get your friends to go out and do fun stuff with you like Parkles said.

You also mentioned that you often watch YouTube specifically while eating. Again, having other folk around might help you out there. Maybe inviting someone to eat with you or otherwise going out to eat on occasion with your fellows would help out. Obviously, you can't really do that for every meal, but it's at least another step away from resorting to the internet for stimulation. Plan more social outings, basically. I've been doing that a lot for myself recently and I find myself much happier.
There's something to be said about escapism, solitude and such.
I talked about this with my Geronda, and yeah solitude and loneliness are things we absolutely despise as humans because it puts us face to face with death. To Geronda, this solitude is the void we feel from the lack of communion with God before anything else. And then with other humans. Therefore, embracing this solitude is important to understand our position as humans and then get closer to God.

But imo only a monk can truly do that, it's way too painful for us laity.
In a sense, at least.
But yeah, I definitely have to work harder on the issue. But thanks for the encouragement. I'll start chipping at it away, and spend more time with people.
 
The catechumenate is basically the "entry level" into the Eastern Orthodox Church, so it just means that I'm entering the Church and wish to join it. Chrismation is a sacrament in the same way that baptism is, and it's used in a service that deems one a member of the Orthodox Church. Specifically, as far as I know, chrismation is the brushing of myrrh ("chrism"; anointing oil) onto a person to seal their being with the Holy Spirit.
Oil doesn't work. Baptism is what gets you in with the Good Lord.
 
I want to get rid of my use of youtube.

I realize that I'm addicted to it. Probably not youtube itself, but addicted to using my computer for braindead activities. I'm in the process of ridding myself completely of useless distractions.
My phone doesn't have access to any browser, any game, any social media anymore, I can just talk people, call them, use google maps, the weather app, whatsapp for family and friends, gmail and take photos.

On my computer, I don't have any video games, and I've disabled my access to meaningless sites like reddit. Youtube is the last thing, but I can't manage to take it away and get rid of it.

Like everytime I come back from work, I want to turn my brain off, go on youtube and watch dummyed stuff. Even while eating, I can't really eat anymore without a distraction for my eyes, it's terrible.

How do I fix this ?
It has NOT gone better.
Holy fucking shit.
I am so tired, so so tired man... I'm so tired of living with myself sometimes.

Why do I always trip on the same rock every single day, get back up, try to leave this rock alone and run from it, only for me to make a U-turn and run even faster to this rock like a junkie, like a fucking drug addict and make myself trip again.

It's not just youtube anymore, I've managed to somewhat, and I mean somewhat fix that, but the amount of time I still spend on my computer doing jackshit but engaging in the most braindead, unworthy, unhealthy and soul crushing activities man... I've recently gone back to 4chan, and this place just crushes me with how fucking bad it is.
Idk... I'd like to say I want to leave the website, but for what ? I'll just jump onto the next train to find a new rock to trip on, it's endless. I'm really tired.
 
It has NOT gone better.
Holy fucking shit.
I am so tired, so so tired man... I'm so tired of living with myself sometimes.

Why do I always trip on the same rock every single day, get back up, try to leave this rock alone and run from it, only for me to make a U-turn and run even faster to this rock like a junkie, like a fucking drug addict and make myself trip again.

It's not just youtube anymore, I've managed to somewhat, and I mean somewhat fix that, but the amount of time I still spend on my computer doing jackshit but engaging in the most braindead, unworthy, unhealthy and soul crushing activities man... I've recently gone back to 4chan, and this place just crushes me with how fucking bad it is.
Idk... I'd like to say I want to leave the website, but for what ? I'll just jump onto the next train to find a new rock to trip on, it's endless. I'm really tired.
yorue just bored
do something dumb
go somewhere

humans are not solitary beings you CRAVE other souls and you NEED to find them
 
yorue just bored
do something dumb
go somewhere

humans are not solitary beings you CRAVE other souls and you NEED to find them
Well yeah but yknow...

I've had this thought recently concerning friendships and yknow outside relations n shie'. I want to have friends and do stuff with them and shit but it really isn't the same anymore. Yknow when I was a kid, I was happy to take a football and play some games outside, or to go at the park, or to have hangouts, or even parties with friends right.
Maybe I'm wrong but I feel like yknow, not having social media has cut me off from this, ironically.

Idk if people still do these things but from what I see people are so much more comfortable with their phones and shit that if your friends have a stable life, i.e. a job, they'll spend the rest of their free time on their phones rather than outside. I have few friends who I still talk to regularly, and even then they don't go outside really anymore to do this fun stuff.

I feel like today, you either socialize online or you simply don't socialize at all, it's so stupid.
 
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Well yeah but yknow...

I've had this thought recently concerning friendships and yknow outside relations n shie'. I want to have friends and do stuff with them and shit but it really isn't the same anymore. Yknow when I was a kid, I was happy to take a football and play some games outside, or to go at the park, or to have hangouts, or even parties with friends right.
Maybe I'm wrong but I feel like yknow, not having social media has cut me off from this, ironically.

Idk if people still do these things but from what I see people are so much more comfortable with their phones and shit that if your friends have a stable life, i.e. a job, they'll spend the rest of their free time on their phones rather than outside. I have few friends who I still talk to regularly, and even then they don't go outside really anymore to do this fun stuff.

I feel like today, you either socialize online or you simply don't socialize at all, it's so stupid.
me when i have trouble finding new friends but blame the whole population

JUST TRY MOAR!
 
double down on??
Im probably gonna tryna do a cure from my 'puter if you feel me, like ion't know the specifics but Ima tryna do a cure, like zero 'puter at all.
We'll see. Might happen. I want it to happen. But it will be painful.
move out where??
I'm moving closer to the alps, in the countryside, at the foot of the mountains, for my new job.
I'm switching from pastry chef to baker, and Ima work in a medieval type shit bakery, as in they use a big old wood fueled oven, no electricity involved, and they have few machines, most of everything except the kneading is done by hand.
 
Im probably gonna tryna do a cure from my 'puter if you feel me, like ion't know the specifics but Ima tryna do a cure, like zero 'puter at all.
We'll see. Might happen. I want it to happen. But it will be painful.

I'm moving closer to the alps, in the countryside, at the foot of the mountains, for my new job.
I'm switching from pastry chef to baker, and Ima work in a medieval type shit bakery, as in they use a big old wood fueled oven, no electricity involved, and they have few machines, most of everything except the kneading is done by hand.
YAYYAAYYAAYAYYAYYYY
IM COMING TO VISIT

But if ur doing a cure from the computer pls msg me on the watpap pretty please
 
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A few pics of my trekk from two days ago I did with two friends. Two days.
It was way more technical than anticipated, we travelled a lot less than expected.
But it was good and beautiful.
Belledone mountainrange in the western french alps
 
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We use an old wood oven at my new job where I work as an apprentice baker.
Not the best photo but I still find the concept cool.
Like having to heat the oven with actual wood and all is pretty complex and needs a lot of concentration and understanding.
 
Lost my cycing helmet today, so I had to make my way home on my bicycle after work, at night (as per usual), without my helmet, which made me feel unsafe.

If anyone finds it please send it back to me I need that helmet.
 
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