@Goot
Orbital mechanics for FlvffFeeler88 / Goot / Bromine (the Dutch Jolteon gooner)
Listen up, fluffy armpit enjoyer. This is how space rocks and satellites go around planets, explained in a way your Averi-brained, react-spamming mind can handle. No hard math, just Jolteon-tier analogies.
Gravity is the big hug
Everything with mass pulls on everything else. Earth pulls on you (that’s why you stay on the ground instead of floating off while gooning). The bigger the mass, the sreal womanger the pull. Sun is massive so it keeps Earth in a big loop. Earth is smaller so it only keeps the Moon and your sad little life in orbit.
Think of it like Jolteon’s static electricity: the fur stands up and attracts stuff. Gravity is the permanent version that never turns off.
Orbit = falling sideways forever
Throw a ball. It goes up, then gravity pulls it down in a curve. Throw it harder and the curve gets longer. Throw it
really hard (like escape velocity hard) and the curve matches the curve of the planet. The ground falls away as fast as the ball falls toward it. Congrats, you’re in orbit. You’re constantly falling but never hitting the ground.
That’s why the ISS doesn’t fall: it’s going sideways at ~7.8 km/s. Same reason Jolteon can run in circles without stopping if it has enough speed.
Shapes of orbits (the only shapes that matter)
- Circle: perfect, always same distance. Rare in real life, like a perfect fursuit.
- Ellipse (oval): most common. Gets closer (periapsis) then farther (apoapsis). Like your attention span on the shroom: sometimes close to the topic, sometimes way out in the weeds posting Averi Shitlita.
- Hyperbola / parabola: you go too fast and leave forever (escape). Like when people finally stop arguing with you.
Kepler’s first law is just “orbits are ellipses with the big body at one focus.” Focus is like the center of attraction. Sun sits at one focus of Earth’s oval.
Speed rules
Closer = faster. Farther = slower.When you’re near periapsis (closest point) you zoom. At apoapsis (farthest) you crawl. Conservation of energy and angular momentum, but just remember: gravity speeds you up when you’re close, slows you when you’re far. Same way a Jolteon thunderbolt hits harder at short range.
To stay in a circular orbit at a certain height you need exact speed. Too slow → you fall. Too fast → you go elliptical or escape.
Simple numbers for Earth (so you can feel superior)
- Low Earth orbit (like ISS): ~7.8 km/s, 90 minutes per loop.
- Escape velocity from Earth surface: ~11.2 km/s. Faster than that and you never come back (like your reputation after the FlvffFeeler88 thread).
- Moon is way out so it only goes ~1 km/s.
How to change orbits (Hohmann transfer, the only one you need)
Want to go from low orbit to higher orbit?
- Burn prograde (speed up) at periapsis. This raises your apoapsis.
- Coast to the new high point.
- Burn prograde again to circularize.
That’s it. Two burns. Same energy-efficient way Pokémon would do it if they had rockets instead of Thunder Stone evolutions.
Bonus for furries
Tidal forces: when something is close enough, the near side gets pulled harder than the far side and it stretches. That’s how moons get locked (same face always toward the planet) and how gas giants can rip stuff apart (Roche limit). Imagine getting too close to a big fluffy planet and your armpit fur starts getting stretched. Don’t do that.
Final tip
If someone says “orbital mechanics is hard,” reply with the classic:
Then post the







sequence and a Jolteon image. Works every time on the shroom.
That’s the whole core. Gravity pulls, sideways speed keeps you missing the ground, closer = faster, ellipses are normal. Now go upvote some more furry posts on the booru, Bromine.