I am not quite sure what to say. For the first time in over a decade, I prayed last night before going to sleep as a little "Hail Mary" of sorts. In that prayer, I acknowledged that I haven't exactly been the most faithful or diligent. While I am well-aware that prayer typically does not function like a Christmas list, I asked God for even the most subtle hint of His presence. I have nobody to blame, as I was given the proper tools to succeed and have done nothing but sabotaged myself and my future. All bridges have been burned; academic, social, even structural. Anyway, He threw me a bone, perhaps in a far more obvious way than I had intended.
I dozed off last night uneventfully. Like most nights, it involved the typical indefinite period of unconsciousness, of a complete void that (admittedly) I sometimes crave the relative warmth of. Without much in the way of context, I was back at the outpatient facility they put me in over 6 years ago. Same layout, same chairs, etc. I stared blankly at the clipboard provided to "take notes" on.
Suddenly, I sensed two rapid (but light) taps on my right shoulder.
"What's popping, dude? Get your shit in gear, that battleaxe is gonna be in here any second now!"
Those words were uttered by an obviously female voice, not in a labored manner, but with an accent I've never heard before. It's clear that she's familiar with American colloquialisms, possibly utilizing them in a strategic fashion to relieve my (rather apparent) mental tension.
Looking up, it's someone I actually recognize and have a fond opinion of, but would never expect to be in their presence for obvious reasons. It's Tomo Takino, or Takino Tomo, whichever way the Japanese prefer it. She is wearing her summer/red-pinkish uniform, which should align with the time period I was in that facility (late August-early October). Her hair isn't noteworthy, being at the "normal" length present throughout most of the animated series (although, I do believe it was longer/shorter at times). I did not immediately observe anything on her person, her hands were free and those uniforms likely did not have pockets.
After a few seconds of trying to string together a coherent sentence as a response, she cleared her throat and then things started to get murky. The present environment ceased to exist, warping into a void that wasn't quite pitch-black empty space, but something else entirely (that I'm not able to describe). It was not frightening, almost the opposite. I don't recall much other than a faint low-pitched hum in the background, not unlike a muffled high-displacement diesel engine. That wasn't my main focus, of course. My vision and hearing were primarily centered on Tomo.
"You're going to be fine, don't fuckin' worry about things so much! Jeez, get a grip. Sorry... but for real, I can tell you that everything will work out if you keep going. I don't care if you have to say it's out of sheer spite, whatever it may be. God is in His Heaven, and all is right with the world. Annuit Cœptis! Ehehehe..."
She looked at me with a playful, shit-eating grin, performed a brief wave with her right hand, and slowly faded into the surrounding void. And after what felt like 30 seconds, I woke up in my bed, alarm clock blaring, although my sheets were not halfway off the bed like they usually are.
Frankly I don't know what the fuck I'm supposed to make of that, but I guess we'll find out as time goes on. I liked it, though. That's the main thing.