>I really fucked up and honestly shouldn't have done anything, i shouldn't have leaked anything, its over, and this was really fucking stupid
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Hillelblog

This is a clock I made recently, it was very expensive to make and I want for people to see it so I don't regret making it or something yeah
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Kaenbyou Rin said:
Lots of turbulent events lately. Those who know know. I've had this cycle of going totally mental, resolving the issue and it coming back a few days later, even more intensely. It happened a total of 3 times and the last one was very scary. What I am scared of is it coming back for the 4th time. If it did I'd just die inside. For now I'm calm, it seems like nothing bad is going to happen.

I need constant reassurance. Left alone I start doubting myself. The doubting leads to me confronting the problems directly at the expense of other people. I could just let it boil inside until I break completely but I am selfish. I can afford to be selfish.
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The 4th one just happened. It wasn't as severe as I thought it'd be, probably because I went to slept in the middle of it. What is the point of all of that? I keep escalating, despite knowing well I do not want for things to go bad. Is it my pride?

Should I change? Should the other person change? Should I care? Should they care? Should we care? Should you care? Should anyone care?
What is caring even about? At which point does it become obsession? At which point is it too weak to even be called "caring"?

What is trust? How to build up trust? What if the trust isn't mutual? What is trust?

It's a spectrum. It cannot be confirmed. It's like faith. You either trust or you don't.

I don't crave fidelity, I crave honesty. I don't want obsession, I want understanding.

Lies are easy.

It's easy to just lie to someone.

 
In a way it's beautiful how easy it is to destroy, in contrast to how hard it is to create.

The fragility and irreplaceability of things is why they are precious to us.

Why do I have to learn it the hard way? Do I even learn? When will I understand the very thing I said just now?
 
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Kaenbyou Rin said:
In a way it's beautiful how easy it is to destroy, in contrast to how hard it is to create.

The fragility and irreplaceability of things is why they are precious to us.

Why do I have to learn it the hard way? Do I even learn? When will I understand the very thing I said just now?
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Have you tried giving up and doing hard drugs instead
[wholesome]
 

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