(I seen your cunt on the internet)
(No image more scarring have I met)
Hey Reddit, my name’s Ellen Woodbury
If you don’t want jumpscares you better go scurry
My humor’s so shit, it’s worse than Baby Yoda
My curves are so small I learn origami for yoga
Did you know that I’m a mail order bride
I fit in an envelope and I’m going on a ride
Flatter than gold leaf, I could be a wrapper
And if you make fun of me, I’ll also be a raper
Hey Reddit, my name’s Ellen Woodbury
No one’s finishing to me, not even a furry
My favorite hobby is starting worthless beef
Just like what’s down under, looking like a coral reef
If I get an award, it’s for best attention whore
And the other kind of whore, do I need to tell more
No, I don’t care if I have a husband and kids
Bring a microscope, ‘cus my boobs are going on bid!
(I seen your cunt on the internet)
(Sue me, I dare you, I’ll bet)
Hey Reddit, my name’s Ellen Woodbury
You bigot, my comics are way more than a slurry
Even though I just pander by mocking Trump and Musk
And the thoughtless midwits, they’ll consoom it ‘til dusk
When I’m outta sexy costumes, I go to plan two
Stealing from my kids, finding ways to fit through
I admire my cats and how they’re straight chonkers
Because the concept of gooning to me is pure bonkers
Hey Reddit, my name’s Ellen Woodbury
I’ll never be self aware, so don’t worry
That would stop me from sneaking out for Tyrone
The reason anyone donates to me is unknown