Nihilma blog

Steve was kind enough to wish me well on my ventures, so I thought I'd make an update thread here as well. I think there's no need to tell of the consistency to expect of my posting here.

God has been kind to me, as always. I'm in the middle of an internship in a bakery / pastry shop of a week for the owners to see if they want to keep me in an apprenticeship. As of now, this is what I've bet all my money on, so to speak. It's one of the best shops in town, and this is not to flaunt on the french food culture, but it means it really is a place with a high degree of quality and therefore talent. So it's not sure at all they'll keep me, I have to work really hard to get to their standards. God willing, I make it, otherwise my plans will have to be reformed a bit.

It's now almost certain that I'll at one point become an orthodox catechumen. This is without the slightest disdain or discontent with my protestant upbringing and entourage, which I love, appreciate, respect and admire for their piety. I am however convinced of a fullness found within this Church. When that is done is however unsure, as I want to, if possible, go through with this transition without creating an unnecessary rupture within my family. We'll see about how it goes.

It's close to the hiking season again, I've already got some things planned. I'm going to start running again, in the hopes of getting some cardio back for the trekks. I'll probably send photos here. I plan on hiking in the Vercors (pic related) once again. It's the mountain rage of my whole childhood, the biggest natural reserve of metropolitan France and just a wonderful place. I'll go in the Chartreuse too, in the Belledone mountain rage, probably, and we'll see after that. As always, it'll mostly be hikes in duo, with one to three nights in tent. This is the best way to do it imo, for it gives the space and time necessary to really allow profound discussions with whomever you hike with.

The 4chan hack was weird and fun to watch, except for the excessive spam of DNB, TND, and real woman and sexual baiting which followed. I discovered the community of the 'cuck, and it was different than what I imagined it being. Way more minbdroken by porn than I thought, but also diverse. /biz/ seems like a cool community, even if I don't give the first care about such methods of making money. /nate/ was a hellhole, so were /pol/ and /a/. Interestingly, /tv/ had nothing about tv shows, and was just about lusting about stars and Shit Absolutely No One In the World Would Ever Imagine Giving A Shit About. Sad to see that the whole of the sharty's pph came from them though, and the moment the 'cuck got back online, all the new interesting boards died.

That's about it for now on my side, thanks for cheking in. Again, God bless, and Christ is Risen.

 

[Nihilma]

I happen to share your feelings regarding a future of monastic life (I wrote a bit more about this interest on the Chife, it won't allow me to embed a link for some reason but here, just remove the space: https://ch uds.life/threads/this-year-went-flying.3215/#post-60704).

It's a pathway that I've been considering these past few months when thinking about my future, as young as I am and as undeveloped as my knowledge really is about our faith. Still, it'd obviously be more difficult in America--which has a very light history of monastic communities (especially Orthodox monasteries; they're certainly present here, just far and few)--to actually pursue such a dedication, but I feel it'd bring me the most joy out of my options, ultimately.

Yeah, it's a good thing that you are actively thinking about it.

Also hi ! Nice seeing you again, it's been a while. I wish I had a closer connexion to some people here as catching up after now more than a whole year would be a lot more interesting and investing.

I have the incredible opportunity to live right next to a magnificent monastery, with a hieromonk there who was kind enough to take me under his wing so to say and accept to be my spiritual father. I really do love this man, and the more time passes, the more my love for him grows.

To him, thinking about monasticism shouldn't be put under the thought of monasticism being a "calling" or a special fate of some Christians. To him, monk or not, the Christian has the same calling, which is to become holy no matter what. The difference being in wanting.

Chosing between monasticism and marriage should be a question of will, of want. What is it you want ? It shouldn't be a question of possibility, or difficulty, or feeling, or resignation regarding sentimental life, it should be a thoughtful choice based on what you truly want. Do you want to become holy through marriage and in the world, or do you want to sacrifice the world and marriage to fully offer yourself to God in a simpler and more straightforward way ?
Both are very hard, (marriage seems way harder in my opinion), but in the end both are possible and the choice shouldn't be made on possibilities and doors being opened or closed but rather our will for our own life.

As said, I'm lucky to have a monastery next door. But you should really really try to plan a retreat to the nearest monastery at your disposition. Although, I imagine it must be very very far away for you. I don't know what it's like in the US, but if it's as bad as you say, well it's going to be hard.

If you have any questions abouy the monastic life, I can transfer them to my spiritual father and give you the answer back though, maybe that'll help.

I hope you're doing good apart from that ! What's your status right now ? Still student ? You moved away from your parents yet ?

 

[baqqrih]

To him, thinking about monasticism shouldn't be put under the thought of monasticism being a "calling" or a special fate of some Christians. To him, monk or not, the Christian has the same calling, which is to become holy no matter what. The difference being in wanting.

Chosing between monasticism and marriage should be a question of will, of want. What is it you want ? It shouldn't be a question of possibility, or difficulty, or feeling, or resignation regarding sentimental life, it should be a thoughtful choice based on what you truly want. Do you want to become holy through marriage and in the world, or do you want to sacrifice the world and marriage to fully offer yourself to God in a simpler and more straightforward way ?
Both are very hard, (marriage seems way harder in my opinion), but in the end both are possible and the choice shouldn't be made on possibilities and doors being opened or closed but rather our will for our own life.

This is a very helpful way of thinking about it, so I thank you for that.

If you have any questions abouy the monastic life, I can transfer them to my spiritual father and give you the answer back though, maybe that'll help.

I guess the only question I do have at the moment is, if I do decide on pursuing monasticism, how exactly should I initiate the process of becoming a monk at a faraway place that would be unfamiliar with me? Would it be best to make contact first through a temporary retreat, and then during that visit or a short while after it, ask them about becoming a monk there?

I just don't want to give off the impression that my desire to become a monk is from some impulsive and unlearned decision that I've barely thought about, and it doesn't help that I've barely interacted much with the Church so far during my life (I've attended two Sunday services in the past few weeks at the closest Orthodox parish--which is still quite far--though I've yet to actually get a chance to personally speak with the priest there with how busy he often is, so the most I've done is meet a few parishioners/catechumen, listen to some sermons in person, and receive the blessing on either visit).

I hope you're doing good apart from that ! What's your status right now ? Still student ? You moved away from your parents yet ?

Currently, I'm still a student, but it's my final year of high school. I'm still living with my parents, however they really would like to send me to attain higher education since they know that my greatest areas of knowledge are in writing and religious matters (with how zealous my mother has become against non-Protestant Christianity I still feel it's best to keep my desire to be baptized into the Eastern Orthodox Church hidden until I am at least moved out), so it looks like I'll be residing at a university for sometime to study philosophy and religion.

My own plan is to use that university education rather as preparation for whatever life pathway I decide on instead of monasticism, or, if I feel that I truly desire the monastic life, I will use what useful things I'm able to learn there as further preparation for monkhood. Living a ways away from home should also generally help me get more on my feet in adulthood, and, of course, many other friends I have from school are also going to this university after they graduate, so I'll have some good fellows to live with. So, life's challenging as always but good nonetheless.

 

[Nihilma]

This is a very helpful way of thinking about it, so I thank you for that.

I guess the only question I do have at the moment is, if I do decide on pursuing monasticism, how exactly should I initiate the process of becoming a monk at a faraway place that would be unfamiliar with me? Would it be best to make contact first through a temporary retreat, and then during that visit or a short while after it, ask them about becoming a monk there?

I just don't want to give off the impression that my desire to become a monk is from some impulsive and unlearned decision that I've barely thought about, and it doesn't help that I've barely interacted much with the Church so far during my life (I've attended two Sunday services in the past few weeks at the closest Orthodox parish--which is still quite far--though I've yet to actually get a chance to personally speak with the priest there with how busy he often is, so the most I've done is meet a few parishioners/catechumen, listen to some sermons in person, and receive the blessing on either visit).

Currently, I'm still a student, but it's my final year of high school. I'm still living with my parents, however they really would like to send me to attain higher education since they know that my greatest areas of knowledge are in writing and religious matters (with how zealous my mother has become against non-Protestant Christianity I still feel it's best to keep my desire to be baptized into the Eastern Orthodox Church hidden until I am at least moved out), so it looks like I'll be residing at a university for sometime to study philosophy and religion.

My own plan is to use that university education rather as preparation for whatever life pathway I decide on instead of monasticism, or, if I feel that I truly desire the monastic life, I will use what useful things I'm able to learn there as further preparation for monkhood. Living a ways away from home should also generally help me get more on my feet in adulthood, and, of course, many other friends I have from school are also going to this university after they graduate, so I'll have some good fellows to live with. So, life's challenging as always but good nonetheless.

Sure, I'll talk about your situation with Father, and ask him about his thoughts and advice.

It's great that you've still been able to go to a parish, and came into contacts with other parishioners. Ideally, it'd be good to enter in contact with the priest, if it is just to get his contact and see with him when he may be free to talk with you, but yeah they're usually requested a lot, often by people who are frequently in contact with the priest, ironically. So don't hesitate to ever push yourself a bit in to get the opportunity to talk.

Regarding your professionnal status and life, I wish you the best for your studies. I guess that choice mustn't be mindless in your case, since uni isn't free in the US. I came to severely regret coming to uni unprepared and unsure, even if it was free. And philosophy doesn't have many professional outcomes, but if you like intellectual stuff and are sure you'd either become a monk or a professor, why not. I sincerely wish you the best. Living far away from your family is a blessing as a young adult though, I've come to realize how damaging it can be for a child to remain at home under the wrong circumstances as a young adult. A state of forced continued childhood at age 20 is pretty bad, I've seen it.
Regarding the zeal of your mother, I'm sure it's pretty bad. I'll keep you in my prayers, God bless you with wisdom and discernment.

 

[baqqrih]

Oh, and also, on the same topic of monasticism, here are two wonderful documentaries I found, either of which were produced by monasteries here in America. I hope you'll find them as insightful as I did.

 

[Nihilma]

Guess what game I've been playing from time to time again recently

 

[Nihilma]

Oh, and also, on the same topic of monasticism, here are two wonderful documentaries I found, either of which were produced by monasteries here in America. I hope you'll find them as insightful as I did.

Thanks for the sharing btw, I'll watch it later. I'll tell you my thoughts about them if you wish.

 

[PRINCEssparkles]

Yeah, it's a good thing that you are actively thinking about it.

Also hi ! Nice seeing you again, it's been a while. I wish I had a closer connexion to some people here as catching up after now more than a whole year would be a lot more interesting and investing.

I have the incredible opportunity to live right next to a magnificent monastery, with a hieromonk there who was kind enough to take me under his wing so to say and accept to be my spiritual father. I really do love this man, and the more time passes, the more my love for him grows.

To him, thinking about monasticism shouldn't be put under the thought of monasticism being a "calling" or a special fate of some Christians. To him, monk or not, the Christian has the same calling, which is to become holy no matter what. The difference being in wanting.

Chosing between monasticism and marriage should be a question of will, of want. What is it you want ? It shouldn't be a question of possibility, or difficulty, or feeling, or resignation regarding sentimental life, it should be a thoughtful choice based on what you truly want. Do you want to become holy through marriage and in the world, or do you want to sacrifice the world and marriage to fully offer yourself to God in a simpler and more straightforward way ?
Both are very hard, (marriage seems way harder in my opinion), but in the end both are possible and the choice shouldn't be made on possibilities and doors being opened or closed but rather our will for our own life.

As said, I'm lucky to have a monastery next door. But you should really really try to plan a retreat to the nearest monastery at your disposition. Although, I imagine it must be very very far away for you. I don't know what it's like in the US, but if it's as bad as you say, well it's going to be hard.

If you have any questions abouy the monastic life, I can transfer them to my spiritual father and give you the answer back though, maybe that'll help.

I hope you're doing good apart from that ! What's your status right now ? Still student ? You moved away from your parents yet ?

????????? youre becoming a monk?

View attachment 72273

Guess what game I've been playing from time to time again recently

aint mo way

 

[Nihilma]

Oh, and also, on the same topic of monasticism, here are two wonderful documentaries I found, either of which were produced by monasteries here in America. I hope you'll find them as insightful as I did.

Watched the first video and began watching the second, I'll finish later. But from the little I saw, the second video reminds me much more of the monastery I attend to myself. Very nice videos though ! The first monastery is very impressive, with it's infrastructures and all. They did a great job building the place it seems !

Btw, Father talked a lot with us today but I didn't get the time to ask him about your situation. However, a monk from Simonospetra came to our monastery for a month as a helper for Christmas time (our monastery is a metochion of Simonospetra, one of the monasteries of Mt. Athos), and I had the opportunity to ask him instead.

He said to me a few things, namely that to get an idea of what the monastic life is, to him the most important thing is to come and see. Try to get the opportunity or make yourself an opportunity to come to a monastery for a few days, and experience and see the life there. Talk to the Fathers and ask them questions. Come back and stay some more, and see again for yourself. That is the best way to him, "come and see".
He also talked to me about saint (Not officially, he died like 5 years ago or so, but he is already quite venerated) Ephraim of Arizona who he thinks is a great saint, and who apparently built many monasteries in the USA, he said you should search for his monasteries, and maybe even read some of his stuff.

????????? youre becoming a monk?

I'm thinking about it gurl, nothing is set and done for now. It's something I have to ponder, but unfortunately for me I'm starting to think this might really be the superior choice.

 

[Nihilma]

I want to get rid of my use of youtube.

I realize that I'm addicted to it. Probably not youtube itself, but addicted to using my computer for braindead activities. I'm in the process of ridding myself completely of useless distractions.
My phone doesn't have access to any browser, any game, any social media anymore, I can just talk people, call them, use google maps, the weather app, whatsapp for family and friends, gmail and take photos.

On my computer, I don't have any video games, and I've disabled my access to meaningless sites like reddit. Youtube is the last thing, but I can't manage to take it away and get rid of it.

Like everytime I come back from work, I want to turn my brain off, go on youtube and watch dummyed stuff. Even while eating, I can't really eat anymore without a distraction for my eyes, it's terrible.

How do I fix this ?

 

[Nihilma]

I want to get rid of my use of youtube.

I realize that I'm addicted to it. Probably not youtube itself, but addicted to using my computer for braindead activities. I'm in the process of ridding myself completely of useless distractions.
My phone doesn't have access to any browser, any game, any social media anymore, I can just talk people, call them, use google maps, the weather app, whatsapp for family and friends, gmail and take photos.

On my computer, I don't have any video games, and I've disabled my access to meaningless sites like reddit. Youtube is the last thing, but I can't manage to take it away and get rid of it.

Like everytime I come back from work, I want to turn my brain off, go on youtube and watch dummyed stuff. Even while eating, I can't really eat anymore without a distraction for my eyes, it's terrible.

How do I fix this ?

1 month later and I still have the same problem.
Tbh I've had this problem for years.

 

[PRINCEssparkles]

1 month later and I still have the same problem.
Tbh I've had this problem for years.

maybe its bc u literally jave nothing else to do

 

[Nihilma]

maybe its bc u literally jave nothing else to do

I COULD do other stuff.
But I guess I don't. It's an addiction, really. An addiction to brainrot.
Idk how to cure.

 

[PRINCEssparkles]

I COULD do other stuff.
But I guess I don't. It's an addiction, really. An addiction to brainrot.
Idk how to cure.

what else can u do minus youtube
also if ur watchig educational stuff its fine bruh

 

[Nihilma]

what else can u do minus youtube
also if ur watchig educational stuff its fine bruh

Nah it's pure slop.
Idk, read probably, work, train my singing, draw, write, stuff yk.
I feel like braindead yt is a form of escapism.

 

[PRINCEssparkles]

Nah it's pure slop.
Idk, read probably, work, train my singing, draw, write, stuff yk.
I feel like braindead yt is a form of escapism.

see the issue w this is that it doesnt involve other people
u need other people as a motivation to get out and about

 

[baqqrih]

Nah it's pure slop.
Idk, read probably, work, train my singing, draw, write, stuff yk.
I feel like braindead yt is a form of escapism.

I think the best way to start'd be to just do one of those alternative activities you've listed whenever you feel tempted to get online, or get your friends to go out and do fun stuff with you like Parkles said.

You also mentioned that you often watch YouTube specifically while eating. Again, having other folk around might help you out there. Maybe inviting someone to eat with you or otherwise going out to eat on occasion with your fellows would help out. Obviously, you can't really do that for every meal, but it's at least another step away from resorting to the internet for stimulation. Plan more social outings, basically. I've been doing that a lot for myself recently and I find myself much happier.

 

[Idkchud]

I think the best way to start'd be to just do one of those alternative activities you've listed whenever you feel tempted to get online, or get your friends to go out and do fun stuff with you like Parkles said.

You also mentioned that you often watch YouTube specifically while eating. Again, having other folk around might help you out there. Maybe inviting someone to eat with you or otherwise going out to eat on occasion with your fellows would help out. Obviously, you can't really do that for every meal, but it's at least another step away from resorting to the internet for stimulation. Plan more social outings, basically. I've been doing that a lot for myself recently and I find myself much happier.

haven't seen you in a while. How's it going?

 

[baqqrih]

haven't seen you in a while. How's it going?

I'm doing dandy. I graduated last month and I'll be moving into a university in a few months. I'm also a catechumen in my church, so I should be baptized and chrismated later this year. There isn't much beyond that in terms of "life-changing stuff" if that's what you're wondering about.

 

[Idkchud]

catechumen

chrismated

What do these mean

 

[baqqrih]

What do these mean

The catechumenate is basically the "entry level" into the Eastern Orthodox Church, so it just means that I'm entering the Church and wish to join it. Chrismation is a sacrament in the same way that baptism is, and it's used in a service that deems one a member of the Orthodox Church. Specifically, as far as I know, chrismation is the brushing of myrrh ("chrism"; anointing oil) onto a person to seal their being with the Holy Spirit.