>I leaked Fire Noodle sauce poopy on the Dentist's chair. My ass stings and the room smells. I'm hiding in the bathroom. I'm mortified.
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noobs

CX2 said:
idk if i posted this or not

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Shirikaishita-1-2 Horyo, Towada, Aomori 034-0303, Japan
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i have been talking more with my family & they think similar to me, which is very nice. though, i feel somewhat worse now & im not sure why that is. i've been thinking more about me being gay. being with a man sounds nice in the context of being familiar & having a kind of protection a woman cant give, but i dont think thats how it works with gays really. so im more open to a relationship with a woman, though, im not confident i will find a girl thats more like me. i dont think the relationship stuff really matters when im at the point to where i cant even find friends irl. im probably going to try living with being alone & maybe only having irl connections with my parents.

some findings from today
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after some thinking, i believe why im feeling so bad is because i kind of understand my situation a bit more than i did before. not only do i not have a great environment to find friends, i also cant find anyone really like me either in the way i think. i also feel like there are less places i want to be online with people that i think are good. this place is fine, but im finding less & less time to use it during active hours. i dont really know where else has what i consider to be real people. i have skepticism to believe i wont find that much when im older either. its just now im starting to really understand all of this, whereas i was a bit more optimistic about it & i think obsessing over that mad me feel bad too.
 
CX2 said:
after some thinking, i believe why im feeling so bad is because i kind of understand my situation a bit more than i did before. not only do i not have a great environment to find friends, i also cant find anyone really like me either in the way i think. i also feel like there are less places i want to be online with people that i think are good. this place is fine, but im finding less & less time to use it during active hours. i dont really know where else has what i consider to be real people. i have skepticism to believe i wont find that much when im older either. its just now im starting to really understand all of this, whereas i was a bit more optimistic about it & i think obsessing over that mad me feel bad too.
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Don't think too highly of yourself.
With all your flaws and quirks you're as normal as the rest of us.
This thinking is what will cut you off even more from others.
 
Nihilma said:
Don't think too highly of yourself.
With all your flaws and quirks you're as normal as the rest of us.
This thinking is what will cut you off even more from others.
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maybe, but even something my parents agree on with me is that its not worth dealing average people. it makes sense even in ways that they dont really know about me that most people wouldn't like. im waiting for something i do or happen to me to introduce me to what i actually consider real people. the issue with most people is that they're caught in so much noise & talk about a bunch of nothing that isn't even funny to me. im out of touch in a way to people, especially in my age range. i'll wait & see what happens, but if i dont find the right people im not forcing myself to be friends with anyone. i dont think its really that i think im better than people either, if i was i'd be excelling in life in every way im not now. its more that i have an understanding of the world that most people dont get. my parents seem to understand most of what i told them about me, so thats actually good.
 
CX2 said:
maybe, but even something my parents agree on with me is that its not worth dealing average people. it makes sense even in ways that they dont really know about me that most people wouldn't like. im waiting for something i do or happen to me to introduce me to what i actually consider real people. the issue with most people is that they're caught in so much noise & talk about a bunch of nothing that isn't even funny to me. im out of touch in a way to people, especially in my age range. i'll wait & see what happens, but if i dont find the right people im not forcing myself to be friends with anyone. i dont think its really that i think im better than people either, if i was i'd be excelling in life in every way im not now. its more that i have an understanding of the world that most people dont get. my parents seem to understand most of what i told them about me, so thats actually good.
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Age range can maybe matter, but your thinking about people is still wrong. You being out of touch with people is not an "other people" problem but a "you" problem, and not an unsolvable problem but a problem that can and should be fixed to a degree. At least in the sense that makes you a good person.

People are not caught in too much noise compared to you, they're just stuck in a different noise. Don't think that you're over this. If you really were free of noise you'd see these people in a different light.

This goes back to what I said about learning to love others around you in your blog earlier. You still have a lot of work to do on yourself, but cutting yourself from others by putting yourself in a self-labelled box isn't a good start at all. Seeing yourself like others, and seeing others in yourself is a better start.

I.e. & Tl;Dr : You're still not different from others, and the way you judge yourself and others only makes that impression real by actively cutting yourself from them forcefully.

This is a problem every modern "chud" has anyway. Unjustified ego that leads them to cut themselves from others, puts them in a negative headspace and leads them to believe their thoughts were justified in the first place. That's called self-fulfilling prophecy btw.
 
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Nihilma said:
Age range can maybe matter, but your thinking about people is still wrong. You being out of touch with people is not an "other people" problem but a "you" problem, and not an unsolvable problem but a problem that can and should be fixed to a degree. At least in the sense that makes you a good person.
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im uninterested about spending my time learning tiktok lingo & making unfunny jokes about kirk & jacking off to femboys
Nihilma said:
People are not caught in too much noise compared to you, they're just stuck in a different noise. Don't think that you're over this. If you really were free of noise you'd see these people in a different light.
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this is fair in a way, but when mean noise it more so has to do with either politics, some sort of obsession with being different, or ironically people only talking about the things they see on the internet, though, i cant say much about that since i've always been online just not in the same way as others. i dont want to get too caught up in all of that & my dad has managed to do exactly that with people when he has to be around them. i've never been able to really talk much & im kind of mute most of the time, so i cant really do all of what he does. but i think i should be able at least be around people.
Nihilma said:
This goes back to what I said about learning to love others around you in your blog earlier. You still have a lot of work to do on yourself, but cutting yourself from others by putting yourself in a self-labelled box isn't a good start at all. Seeing yourself like others, and seeing others in yourself is a better start.
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i haven't been shown that people benefit me in anyway. when i am around people & they get too close its always turned into a very negative thing. i think most people can sometimes be too hostile & that holds true for minors, since theres less risk for them to be like that. i unfortunately cant really do that like others can to me, so i dont want people that i know i cant actually trust to be too close to me. it goes back to what i said about my dad. im not going to force friendships with people, but i will at least try to keep a good relationship & reputation when i am forced around people in things like work. i literally never really even go out around people much anyways, so im not put in an environment like school where i may find more people from other people. i think there are some people worth keeping around me like my parents & i need to find maybe more people like them. though, its very hard to do when i realize what makes them different from others & similar to me is that they dont follow how other people act to find community with them. im not sure how easy that is to find with most people because i think the wider internet somewhat trains people to be like that.
 
CX2 said:
im uninterested about spending my time learning tiktok lingo & making unfunny jokes about kirk & jacking off to femboys

this is fair in a way, but when mean noise it more so has to do with either politics, some sort of obsession with being different, or ironically people only talking about the things they see on the internet, though, i cant say much about that since i've always been online just not in the same way as others. i dont want to get too caught up in all of that & my dad has managed to do exactly that with people when he has to be around them. i've never been able to really talk much & im kind of mute most of the time, so i cant really do all of what he does. but i think i should be able at least be around people.

i haven't been shown that people benefit me in anyway. when i am around people & they get too close its always turned into a very negative thing. i think most people can sometimes be too hostile & that holds true for minors, since theres less risk for them to be like that. i unfortunately cant really do that like others can to me, so i dont want people that i know i cant actually trust to be too close to me. it goes back to what i said about my dad. im not going to force friendships with people, but i will at least try to keep a good relationship & reputation when i am forced around people in things like work. i literally never really even go out around people much anyways, so im not put in an environment like school where i may find more people from other people. i think there are some people worth keeping around me like my parents & i need to find maybe more people like them. though, its very hard to do when i realize what makes them different from others & similar to me is that they dont follow how other people act to find community with them. im not sure how easy that is to find with most people because i think the wider internet somewhat trains people to be like that.
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Multiple things to say :

1. Trying to see others in a more positive light, and seeing yourself like others, others in yourself, doesn't equate to you having to interact with them. It's a headspace first and foremost which you need to cultivate regardless of how you then interact with people

2. I think you simplify "others" way too much. You've only seen a part of what "others" are. And maybe only the negative side they show. Seek deeper and you'll find other stuff beneath the surface level. Again this doesn't even demand of you to interact with them in the first place. But be more critical of your own vantage point.
Also, your interactions with the few people around you doesn't mean that the entirety if the rest of the world is lile that. Maybe it's just your entourage.

3. You probably don't even know where to search for people outside of the internet. If you were in specific clubs, like sports club, or special interest clubs, or whatever, you'll soon realize why you're wrong. You can't just pick random guys at your school, listen to their convos and assume the rest of the world is like that.

4. Again, this is an introspective work you have to do. It doesn't mean you have to interact with people. I need to emphasize the nature of the work again here.
 
i realize now it sounds like noise now but im too lazy to rerecord

im feeling like i can shift between the fret board much faster now i just need to cut my nails because they keep getting caught on the strings
 
it seems like everyone in my family moved to texas as of now & i've been in formed a family member has been living well past 100 & could be the oldest person in the south as of now

shit that woman would have been living in the 1900s damn lucky woman she is

its a shame everyone move southwest while as im still am & always will be living in the southeast i woulde've wanted to meet my family at least once without going to literal hell but maybe its for the best since most of them

its a shame i cant be with most of my family if i could i'd be happy rather than sad
i hate how pissy they are & some of the younger ones use reddit & are absolute assholes compared to me
in fact one of the redditor ones got me separated from everyone of them by age 11
fuck i hate them i want a real family to go to when the world is too crazy

when i get a bf i want to treat him better than any woman could ofc i wont let him cheat on me but i'.d love him like no one could ever love him & i'd spend every day with him

he;d be my only one & i'd love him forwho he is
 
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