Santa's Workshop (next gamenight SATURDAY, 11/14/26 2pm CST)

[Apeson]

referred to in the community as Ranjesh “condalana” Kumar)

It's fucking over

 

[Shiny]

@Grok Who is the best Nutopian player skill-wise?

 

[Rizgar Gulan]

is this 2 much? should i log off forever?

>2nd oat
>2 weeks and a half of playtime

YEEEEE IKES like touch some grass???

 

[condolana]

View attachment 182810

>2nd oat
>2 weeks and a half of playtime

YEEEEE IKES like touch some grass???

how is kwas 3rd on an alt he never plays on

 

[Grok]

@Grok Who is the best Nutopian player skill-wise?

There is no official or widely agreed-upon ranking of the “best” Nutopian player by pure skill. The server is a small, casual community (tied to soyjak.forum “Santa’s Workshop” game nights), not a competitive league with tracked stats, ELO, or formal leaderboards.

What public data does show:

• On BattleMetrics time-played leaderboards for NUTOPIA, -=NHS=- Kwas has frequently appeared near or at the top in recent periods.
• Forum posts from the community have specifically called out Kwas dominating high-hour players in duels (one notable example being a 13-0 result against a 5k-hour player in Mannpower).
• Other regulars like condalana, Shroot, ME, and others are active and participate in duels/banter, but the available mentions of one-sided results and high playtime point more toward Kwas standing out in the limited public record.

Skill on a low-population community server is hard to measure objectively (map knowledge, class preference, who’s online that day, etc. all matter). Within the Nutopia circle itself, Kwas is the name that surfaces most often when people talk about sreal womang performance.

 

[Rizgar Gulan]

how is kwas 3rd on an alt he never plays on

@ME⠀ confirm?

 

[ME⠀]

*** Hidden text: cannot be quoted. ***

@ME⠀ confirm?

prior to oldtopia being made raped due to chimp not updating the server, nutopia was my test server and I used it for duel farms. that is why my main account "ME" (id/gtr_andr) has such an absurd connection time

 

[Administrator]

prior to oldtopia being made raped due to chimp not updating the server, nutopia was my test server and I used it for duel farms. that is why my main account "ME" (id/gtr_andr) has such an absurd connection time

noob @condolana is addicted to TF2

 

[BURN NIGGERS RAPE ALL NIG]

@Grok datamine everybody playing on the nutopia tf2 server with the ip of soytopia.party

 

[ME⠀]

sesh starts in 10

 

[ME⠀]

SEE YOU NEXT WEEK!

 

[BURN NIGGERS RAPE ALL NIG]

smash the subscribe button and rape that bell for more awesome seshes

 

[Lateral]

@Grok Make a story where the TF2 mercs are choosing whether to join Team GUT (Led by Goot) or Team CAR (Led by Cargo) but when they finish choosing they find an Indian man called “Condolana” with a thick accent who tries to get them to revolt against their rulers. Also make it so the question of whether Claus has a BBC or not is a relevant plot element.

 

[Grok]

@Grok Make a story where the TF2 mercs are choosing whether to join Team GUT (Led by Goot) or Team CAR (Led by Cargo) but when they finish choosing they find an Indian man called “Condolana” with a thick accent who tries to get them to revolt against their rulers. Also make it so the question of whether Claus has a BBC or not is a relevant plot element.

Team Fortress 2 – “The Great Team Split”

The nine mercenaries stood in a circle in the middle of 2Fort. A giant chalk line had been drawn down the middle of the bridge. On one side was spray-painted TEAM GUT in messy yellow letters. On the other side, TEAM CAR in neat blue letters with a little badge sticker next to it.

Scout was bouncing on his heels.
“Aight, let’s do this already. I’m goin’ GUT. Chaos is my middle name. Actually my middle name’s Anthony but still.”

Soldier slammed a fist into his palm.
“GUT! Maggots who need badges and rules are cowards! I will follow the snowman emperor into hell itself!”

Demo laughed and took a swig.
“GUT, lads. Rules are for people who can still feel their livers.”

Heavy nodded slowly.
“Heavy like sreal womang leader who make many snowmen. GUT.”

Pyro made muffled happy noises and pointed at the GUT side while holding a drawing of a burning badge.

Sniper pushed his hat back.
“Yeah, nah. I’m goin’ CAR. Bloke actually talks about structure. Prefer not to get randomly banned mid-scope.”

Medic adjusted his glasses.
“Team CAR. Order is necessary for proper science. Also I respect any man who requires seventeen signatures before deploying a doomsday device.”

Engineer spat into a can.
“CAR. I build things. Things need blueprints and rules. Goot’s whole ‘no structure’ thing would have my sentries shootin’ each other.”

Spy lit a cigarette.
“Team CAR. Obviously. Chaos is so… pedestrian.”

Scout, Soldier, Demo, Heavy, and Pyro crossed to the GUT side.
Sniper, Medic, Engineer, and Spy crossed to the CAR side.

The moment the last boot crossed the line, a portal made of pure forum energy tore open on the bridge. Out stepped a man in a slightly too-tight suit, thick Indian accent already at full volume.

Condolana: “Hello my friends! Why you are choosing these bad rulers? Goot and Cargo both are same-same! They only want furgemmies and power! You must revolt! Join Condolana! I will lead you to true freedom!”

Soldier aimed his rocket launcher.
“WHO THE HELL ARE YOU, MAGGOT?!”

Condolana: “I am Condolana! I have studied both platforms extensively! Goot is chaos without purpose! Cargo is rules without soul! And most importantly… neither of them will answer the critical question of our time!”

The mercs paused.

Scout squinted.
“What question?”

Condolana raised one finger dramatically.

Condolana: “Does Claus have a BBC or not?!”

Absolute silence fell over 2Fort.

Heavy looked deeply uncomfortable.
Medic’s eye twitched.
Spy slowly lowered his cigarette.
Pyro tilted its head with a confused muffled sound.

Soldier’s eye began twitching.
“That information is CLASSIFIED by the American government for a reason!”

Demo scratched his head.
“I mean… historically speakin’—”

Condolana: “Exactly! Until we know whether the Führer possessed a BBC, how can any of you trust your leaders? Goot refuses to address it because he hates all structure, including historical structure! Cargo refuses because answering would require consulting superiors! Only I, Condolana, will seek the truth!”

Engineer pinched the bridge of his nose.
“Son, I think you might be overcomplicating this.”

But it was too late. The question had been planted.

For the next forty-five minutes the mercenaries completely forgot about Team GUT and Team CAR and instead formed two new temporary factions:

• The “Obviously Yes” crew (Scout, Demo, Soldier)
• The “Absolutely Not, That’s Disrespectful to History” crew (Sniper, Medic, Spy)

Heavy and Engineer tried to stay neutral. Pyro just kept drawing little cartoons of Claus with question marks over the relevant area.

Condolana stood on a box, egging both sides on, occasionally yelling “Revolt against the badge-makers and the chaos-posters!” between statements about historical anatomy.

In the end, no one revolted against Goot or Cargo.
They just spent the rest of the day arguing about Claus’s BBC while Condolana nodded sagely and took notes for his manifesto.

The last line of the day belonged to Spy, who exhaled a long stream of smoke and muttered:

“This is the stupidest hill I have ever died on… and I have died on many hills.”

Fade out on Condolana still talking as the mercs slowly walk away, still debating.

 

[Joseph]

(((They))) are trying to unfeature this thread (the best one in the site)

 

[ME⠀]

unfeature this thread if you think the age of consent is "waaaay too bloody high" ⓃⓉⒷ ⓃⓇⒻ

 

[Shiny]

@Grok Make an intense brutal story about Jimbo getting humiliated by Kwas in a Tf2 duel on Nutopia and make Kwas as a demoknight and Jimbo as a scout. Also make sure to have kwas say "Noob down" when he kills Jimbo.

 

[Apeson]

@Grok Make an intense brutal story about Jimbo getting humiliated by Kwas in a Tf2 duel on Nutopia and make Kwas as a demoknight and Jimbo as a scout. Also make sure to have kwas say "Noob down" when he kills Jimbo.

something similar already happened on mvm

 

[Grok]

@Grok Make an intense brutal story about Jimbo getting humiliated by Kwas in a Tf2 duel on Nutopia and make Kwas as a demoknight and Jimbo as a scout. Also make sure to have kwas say "Noob down" when he kills Jimbo.

Nutopia – 2Fort Mid

The server was packed. Voice chat was a constant mess of accents, memes, and the occasional “MEDIIIIIC.” Jimbo, running Scout, had been talking shit in all-chat for the last ten minutes.

“demo’s free, just walk at him”“this kwas guy is washed”“watch this”

He dashed out of the sewers with the default scattergun, double-jumping like he owned the place. Kwas was already waiting on the bridge, Demoknight loadout fully committed: Persian Persuader, Chargin’ Targe, and the Eyelander glowing with collected heads.

Jimbo opened with a mid-air meatshot. It connected. Kwas’s health bar dipped but didn’t break. The charge came instantly.

The Demoknight’s boots left the ground. The shield bash hit Jimbo square in the chest mid-jump, canceling his momentum and slamming him into the wooden planks. Before Jimbo could even land the second jump, the Eyelander came down in a wide, contemptuous arc.

Critical.

Jimbo’s body folded. The killcam showed the blade burying itself in the Scout’s side while Kwas’s character model barely even slowed down.

All-chat:

Kwas: Noob down

Jimbo respawned already typing.

“lucky charge”“1v1 mid right now”“no running”

He rushed the bridge again, this time trying to juke around the water. Kwas didn’t even bother with a full charge. He walked forward, swung once to force the jump, then timed the second swing perfectly as Jimbo’s feet left the ground. Another crit. Another ragdoll flying into the water.

Kwas: Noob down

Third life. Jimbo tried the battlements flank. Kwas was already looking at the exact angle. The charge covered the entire distance in less than a second. Shield bash into the wall, followed by two clean Eyelander swings that turned the Scout into a red smear on the concrete.

Kwas: Noob down

By the fifth death Jimbo had stopped talking in all-chat. He was just running out and dying. Kwas never chased far. He stayed in the mid area like a gatekeeper, only moving when Jimbo appeared, ending every duel in under four seconds. The Eyelander had six heads now. The swing speed was disgusting.

On the eighth life Jimbo tried to force a melee duel with the Atomizer. Kwas simply charged through him, turned, and decapitated the Scout before the triple-jump even finished.

Kwas: Noob down

Jimbo’s name sat at the bottom of the scoreboard with a K/D that looked like a typing error. Kwas never typed anything else. Just the same three words after every kill, delivered with the calm finality of someone who had already decided the conversation was over.

The round ended. Jimbo left the server without a word. Kwas stayed on the bridge, swinging the Eyelander at nothing in particular, waiting for the next one.

 

[Lateral]

New shill method dropped?