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Please switch to Shroomy or Blacky themes for the optimal Sproke Laboratories experience. This thread contains depictions of medical experiments that HAVE NOT been authorized by Presidents present and past, up to and including Froot. If you or a loved one start hearing screams of anguish that appear to be coming from your computer or mobile device, stop reading immediately and take your meds. Viewer discretion is advised.Log #0
Date: October 3Ϫ, 2026
Dr. A.P.M. here. I don't really have a name beyond what they assigned me, so just call me "Soy Bob". Anyway, clearly there has been some sort of mistake. In addition to the usual weekly requisition of 55 gallon drums of Sprite and Coca-Cola, we have also taken delivery of a fountain, later identified as a FreeStyle machine. Any attempts to inquire about the machine to both the delivery assistant and driver of the vehicle have gone unanswered. The delivery personnel seemed to be in a hurry to unload their cargo thereafter, and left the loading dock at an unsafe speed. I should probably have security look over the tapes tomorrow.
Preliminary inspections yielded no outstanding questions or concerns. There appears to be no parts missing or broken. It was only after the machine was plugged in that the lights started flickering, then ████ █████ ██ ███████████ ██ ███████████ ███████████ ████ ████ █████ before returning to bright white. Despite not being connected to any external sources of carbonation or flavored syrups, the machine appears to dispense freely and endlessly on demand. The icemaker even works flawlessly.
We are requisitioning test monkeys from the nearby forum for experiments regarding this new machine and it's capabilities. We hope to publish results soon.
END LOG
