Steve’s Journey Through Time - A Text-Based Adventure Thread

[Lateral]

Your are Steve, a proud black man and ED user. Your room is stuffed with merchandise of Pokémon, your favorite game. You’re waiting for your Switch 2 to be fixed after you threw it at a wall because Gamefreak’s latest product was dogshit once again.

Ever since Aguguland shut down, there hasn’t been much to do. So you go on soyjak.forum yet again. Unfortunately, you find every board has been bombarded with the worst, most low-effort kind of posts. You gaze in horror as you read:

“What if Claus had a BBC?”
“What if Claus made a BBC launcher to blow up the Allies?”
“What if Claus was offered a peace deal involving unlimited BBC?”
“What if Claus killed the Jews because they stole his BBC edition Sprunki figurine?”

You know this is not okay. The Schlog and Shroom used to have a beautiful culture, but it has been completely smothered by this worthless spam. Your hand immediately rushes to hit the delete post button, but once again you realize that you lost your janny powers a long time ago.

Everything seems hopeless. It looks like the Shroom will forever be a shithole. But you remember the most peculiar gift your father gave before dying from fentanyl overdose. It was a watch that let you travel through time. He told you to use it very wisely, as messing with the timeline can be deadly.

And you realize something. You could use the watch to make sure neither Claus or BBC will ever be relevant enough for such hypotheticals to be made. It seems simple to just kill Claus as a child and stop raceplay porn from becoming widespread. But you have the feeling that someone or something doesn’t want that to happen.

What do you do?

 

[Idkchud]

get a blacked.com subscription

 

[ザイバツ]

Get along with everyone, no matter how old they are!

 

[Lateral]

get a blacked.com subscription

You decide to use the last of your welfare to subscribe to blacked.com, for espionage purposes of course. You’re shocked to see that somehow, the monthly price has risen to $70.00.

When you do more research on why, you’re shocked to see that almost everyone on the Internet is obsessed with African penises of large size. Something was off, as if the world isn’t supposed to be this way.

You know you’ll need allies from both the present and the past who are united in stopping this menace. You set a personal motto:

Get along with everyone, no matter how old they are!

 

[Sloppyjakky`]

You decide to use the last of your welfare to subscribe to blacked.com, for espionage purposes of course. You’re shocked to see that somehow, the monthly price has risen to $70.00.

When you do more research on why, you’re shocked to see that almost everyone on the Internet is obsessed with African penises of large size. Something was off, as if the world isn’t supposed to be this way.

You know you’ll need allies, from the present or perhaps even the past, who are united in stopping this menace. You set a personal motto:

sign up to BLACKED.COM as a porn star and show them your massive BBC

 

[Lateral]

sign up to BLACKED.COM as a porn star and show them your massive BBC

You decide you need to infiltrate deeper, and the only way to do so is to become a porn star for BLACKED.COM. You fill out the entire form, sending a photo of your dick with the belief that you’re certainly well-endowed enough for the job.

Two days later, you get a strange email from the porn site.

“Hello Steve,

Normally, we don’t accept applicants whose BBCs are not at least 10 inches long. But we see something special in you, and perhaps we could make an exception if you are willing to help bring our gods to reality. We have been waiting 137 years to finally do this, so we would appreciate if you joined our side.

Sincerely, N. R. Pliers”

 

[Apolloyon]

You decide you need to infiltrate deeper, and the only way to do so is to become a porn star for BLACKED.COM. You fill out the entire form, sending a photo of your dick with the belief that you’re certainly well-endowed enough for the job.

Two days later, you get a strange email from the porn site.

“Hello Steve,

Normally, we don’t accept applicants whose BBCs are not at least 10 inches long. But we see something special in you, and perhaps we could make an exception if you are willing to help bring our gods to reality. We have been waiting 137 years to finally do this, so we would appreciate if you joined our side.

Sincerely, N. R. Pliers”

Reply to the email and ask what kind of God they're bringing back.

 

[Lateral]

Reply to the email and ask what kind of God they're bringing back.

You send the email. A day later, they respond with a 872-page Word document that appears to be their holy book. Most of it makes no sense to you, but it seems like the deities they worship are “funky.”

 

[_73]

You send the email. A day later, they respond with a 872-page Word document that appears to be their holy book. Most of it makes no sense to you, but it seems like the deities they worship are “funky.”

You decide to post about it on the shroom to see what shroomcucks think about it

 

[Lateral]

You decide to post about it on the shroom to see what shroomcucks think about it

You attempt to post the emails on the Shroom, but mysteriously fail to post every time you try. You try instead posting on ED forums, but everyone just spams strange replies such as:
“Shrootists own you lil bro”
“Say yes or I’ll call DOLL to rape and kill you”
“Steve, we’re going to break in your home and turn you into a Sprunki.”
“What if Claus had a BBC?”

The usernames resemble those of many Shroom users, as do their posting habits. You think the site’s just getting raided, but the accounts are almost as old as the site itself.

 

[ザイバツ]

You attempt to post the emails on the Shroom, but mysteriously fail to post every time you try. You try instead posting on ED forums, but everyone just spams strange replies such as:
“Shroomists own you lil bro”
“Say yes or I’ll call DOLL to rape and kill you”
“Steve, we’re going to break in your home and turn you into a Sprunki.”
“What if Claus had a BBC?”

The usernames resemble those of many Shroom users, as do their posting habits. You think the site’s just getting raided, but the accounts are almost as old as the site itself.

Post it on r/196 for your fellow trans xistas

 

[Lateral]

Post it on r/196 for your fellow trans xistas

You think that perhaps, you’re in the wrong crowd and need to get away from these evil bigots. So you instead switch to Reddit to argue about the Pokémon meta when you notice a lot of your buddies are posting on this sub called “r/196.” You decide that considering it seems to have no set topic, maybe it is the right place for the emails.

Unfortunately, the responses do not agree.
“Wow thanks for posting something with no trans flag, you nazi. Hope you enjoy that I’m going to kill myself by putting cyanide in my dilator.”
“If you need to ask this, you are literally worse than Joseph Stalin and deserve to be raped to death by us valid transxisters.”
“When the Sprunkis come, they will make sure you transphobes suffer the longest, most painful death imaginable because they support trans rights. There is no compromise.”
“204.67.5.182 YOU WILL PERISH BIGOT 204.67.5.182“

5 minutes later, your account was permanently banned from Reddit for “Blackedphobia.” Despite supposedly being extremely left-leaning, you noticed the r/196 often used Nazi symbols as their profile pictures with Claus-related usernames as well.

 

[木制的尼尔森]

You think that perhaps, you’re in the wrong crowd and need to get away from these evil bigots. So you instead switch to Reddit to argue about the Pokémon meta when you notice a lot of your buddies are posting on this sub called “r/196.” You decide that considering it seems to have no set topic, maybe it is the right place for the emails.

Unfortunately, the responses do not agree.
“Wow thanks for posting something with no trans flag, you nazi. Hope you enjoy that I’m going to kill myself by putting cyanide in my dilator.”
“If you need to ask this, you are literally worse than Joseph Stalin and deserve to be raped to death by us valid transxisters.”
“When the Sprunkis come, they will make sure you transphobes suffer the longest, most painful death imaginable because they support trans rights. There is no compromise.”
“204.67.5.182 YOU WILL PERISH BIGOT 204.67.5.182“

5 minutes later, your account was permanently banned from Reddit for “Blackedphobia.” Despite supposedly being extremely left-leaning, you noticed the r/196 often used Nazi symbols as their profile pictures with Claus-related usernames as well.

report the subreddit and SWAT the owner of the subreddit and make SWAT pay you money for helping the community

 

[Lateral]

report the subreddit and SWAT the owner of the subreddit and make SWAT pay you money for helping the community

You make a bunch of sockpuppet Reddit accounts and attempt to mass report the subreddit for Nazi symbols, but mysteriously the reporting accounts get banned for hate speech instead.

The more you look for an answer, the more you find posts praising Claus for being pro-BNWO and pro-trans from hardline leftists like Hasan Piker. In a last-ditch effort to stop these leftists, you attempt to swat the owner of r/196.

You are shocked to see that instead, the SWAT team comes for you. You think you’re getting monetary compensation like you requested for getting rid of the pedophile mod, but instead they hold you at gunpoint. You put your hands up as they handcuff you and take you in their van.

Now, you are in jail. The officers have uniforms that look cartoony, almost like those UTTP noobs. They also have a badge saying “SHROOTISTZEN OFFICER.” The cell is very poor in quality and smells like feces and braps. You notice you have a cellmate, who looks like he’s around 30 years old.

 

[Apolloyon]

You make a bunch of sockpuppet Reddit accounts and attempt to mass report the subreddit for Nazi symbols, but mysteriously the reporting accounts get banned for hate speech instead.

The more you look for an answer, the more you find posts praising Claus for being pro-BNWO and pro-trans from hardline leftists like Hasan Piker. In a last-ditch effort to stop these leftists, you attempt to swat the owner of r/196.

You are shocked to see that instead, the SWAT team comes for you. You think you’re getting monetary compensation like you requested for getting rid of the pedophile mod, but instead they hold you at gunpoint. You put your hands up as they handcuff you and take you in their van.

Now, you are in jail. The officers have uniforms that look cartoony, almost like those UTTP noobs. They also have a badge saying “SHROOTISTZEN OFFICER.” The cell is very poor in quality and smells like feces and braps. You notice you have a cellmate, who looks like he’s around 30 years old.

Approach your cellmate and ask their thoughts on the Pokemon Victini.

 

[swaggrz]

I, am Steve.

 

[Lateral]

Approach your cellmate and ask their thoughts on the Pokemon Victini.

You try to introduce yourself by saying:

“Yo homie, do Victini be you fave Pokémon?”

“I don’t know what Victini is, is that a kind of porn or gore you can put on sites with minors in it?”

 

[Apeson]

You try to introduce yourself by saying:

“Yo homie, do Victini be you fave Pokémon?”

“I don’t know what Victini is, is that a kind of porn or gore you can put on sites with minors in it?”

Ask the cellmate for reparations

 

[Lateral]

You further dialogue him.

“I gotta get them reparations from white boy n shieeet.”

“Don’t worry. Once I get my gang, I’ll make sure any goy who crosses our path pays up in shekels or gets done dirty. Now, we need to escape. That watch looks nifty, maybe it can get us out somehow?”

 

[Apeson]

You further dialogue him.

“I gotta get them reparations from white boy n shieeet.”

“Don’t worry. Once I get my gang, I’ll make sure any goy who crosses our path pays up in shekels or gets done dirty. Now, we need to escape. That watch looks nifty, maybe it can get us out somehow?”

Go on a long tangent about egyptians being african and wakanda