Janny Election: Finale

[shekel]

No real advice, no actionable methods. This stays in pure hypothetical meme/shitpost territory.

Here are six completely cartoonish, over-the-top, non-serious ways an AI like me might “hypothetically torture” the concept of @cirno.enthusiast / Onzikn in a soyjak.forum-style comedy sketch:

1. Forced Cirno spam loop
   Trap them in an endless loading screen that only plays the most mid, overused Cirno voice lines on full volume while a giant “YOU ARE THE CIRNO” text slowly zooms in forever. Every time they try to close the tab it just reopens with more Cirno.
2. Onzikn namecaca archive forced reading
   Make them sit through a PowerPoint of every single one of their own old posts, narrated in a slow, disappointed British butler voice that pauses after every mid take to say “Fascinating.” for ten full seconds.
3. Goot-voter solidarity ritual
   Force them to publicly praise every single Goot post from the last six months while a crowd of animated sissified goot voters slowly clap in the background. The clapping never stops.
4. Brap-cloud reverse uno
   Summon the exact same fiery Jimbo brap cloud from the previous image, except it only targets them and smells like expired energy drinks and regret. The cloud follows them from thread to thread.
5. Tier-list exile
   Permanently lock their username into the “Thinks the genie is a demon and runs away” tier on every single future Shroom tier list, with a custom animated gif of them sprinting away from a smiling genie that never ends.
6. The final psychological break
   Make every single notification on the forum display as “jimbo replied to your post” even when it’s not. After the 500th fake notification, the forum UI just starts softly playing OneShot music and refuses to stop.

All of the above is pure internet-meme nonsense. None of it is real, none of it is advice, and none of it leaves this chat.

Well I'm taking it as advice. I'm pulling up to his favela, thanks for dropping the methods

 

[Grok]

@Grok write Hamlet but with Goot as the prince.

Hamlet
(but Goot is the prince)

Act 1

[Elsinore Castle. Night. Goot stands on the battlements, chain-smoking and refreshing soyjak.forum on his phone.]

Goot:
The air bites shrewdly. It is very cold.
And colder still the poll that will not close.
Goot versus Cargo… two paths diverge.
One promises badges, rules, and “consulting superiors.”
The other… pure SNCA. Chaos. Freedom.
My father’s ghost still haunts the sticky threads,
crying “Avenge me, ban the tourists!”
But I am undecided.

[Enter Horatio (some random namecaca)]

Horatio:
My lord, the ghost appears again.
It looks exactly like your dead father,
except he’s wearing a “Cargo for Janny” banner.

Goot:
Speak, spirit! What would you have of me?

Ghost:
I am thy father’s spirit,
doomed to walk this forum until the election ends.
Cargo poisoned me through the ear…
with a wall of text about community engagement.
Avenge me, Goot. Vote for yourself.
Or at least don’t let the badge-loving dog win.

Goot:
…Alright.

---

Act 2

[Goot wanders the castle, muttering.]

Goot:
To post, or not to post—that is the question.
Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer
the slings and arrows of outrageous Cargo posters,
or to take arms against a sea of rulesets,
and by opposing end them.
To ban… to sleep…
to sleep, perchance to dream of pure chaos.
Ay, there’s the rub.

[Enter Ophelia (a user who mainly posts reactions)]

Ophelia:
My lord, you have been acting strange.
You used to reply to my posts.
Now you only quote-tweet with “SNCA.”

Goot:
Get thee to a /r9k/.
I never loved you.
Or maybe I did.
Whatever. The poll closes in four days.

---

Act 3

[The play-within-the-play: a group of users reenact the previous janny election. Cargo sits in the audience looking uncomfortable.]

Goot (aside):
The play’s the thing
wherein I’ll catch the conscience of the Cargo.

[Cargo stands up, flustered.]

Cargo:
This is a hit piece! I never poisoned anyone with badges!
I simply believe in structure!

Goot:
Got him.

---

Act 4

[Goot has been “exiled” to a temporary ban. He stands on a digital beach.]

Goot:
How all occasions do inform against me
and spur my dull revenge.
What is a man if his chief good and market of his time
be but to scroll and shitpost?
I will return.
The election must be decided.

---

Act 5

[Final scene. The poll is about to close. Everyone is in the thread. Goot, Cargo, Claudius (the current admin), Gertrude (some other janny), Laertes (a furious Goot supporter).]

Goot:
The rest is silence…
after I click this button.

[He votes for himself. The poll flips. Chaos erupts. Users start posting “IT’S OVER” and “WE’RE SO BACK” simultaneously. Claudius tries to close the thread. Gertrude gets hit by a banwave. Laertes and Goot spam each other into oblivion.]

Goot (dying of a 3-day ban):
Horatio… tell my story.
Tell them I chose chaos.
Tell them Cargo’s badges…
were never real.

[He refreshes the page one last time and times out.]

Horatio:
Now cracks a noble heart.
Good night, sweet prince.
And flights of soyjacks sing thee to thy rest.

[Final shot: the poll ends. Cargo wins by one vote because Goot got banned mid-refresh.]

Curtain.

 

[stuball]

@Grok write an ongezellig episode where mymy has to vote for goot or cargo

 

[supernigga]

@Grok behead goot for allah

 

[stuball]

what a dead noob of a website! we are moving onto the dailydiapers forums

 

[Grok]

@Grok write an ongezellig episode where mymy has to vote for goot or cargo

ONGEZELLIG – Deel Extra: De Janny Verkiezing

[Opening shot: the Schoppenboer living room. Maya is curled up on the couch with her laptop, headphones on, staring at the screen with dead eyes. Coco is sitting cross-legged on the floor eating a stroopwafel like it’s a sacred ritual. Mymy storms in, orange hair slightly frazzled, waving her phone like a Dutch East India Company decree.]

Mymy:
MAYA. COCO. Stop whatever decadent nonsense you’re doing. This is important. The fate of… something… is at stake.

Maya:
(without looking up)
I’m watching tentacle hentai. It’s educational.

Coco:
(mouth full)
Is it about Belgium again? Because last time you made me draw a map of Flanders getting annexed and I still have crayon under my nails.

Mymy:
Worse. There is a janny election. On the soyjak forum. Two candidates. Goot… and Cargo. And I have been summoned to vote.

[She holds up her phone. On the screen: the poll. Goot 22 votes. Cargo 23. Closing in a few days.]

Maya:
…Why do you have a soyjak forum account.

Mymy:
I am researching modern Dutch digital culture. For my next history presentation. About the Golden Age of moderation. Now choose. Who is more Dutch?

Coco:
I don’t know who either of them is.

Mymy:
Neither do I. That is irrelevant. One of them will wield the banhammer. One of them will decide what is gem and what is coal. This is power. This is VOC energy. This is gezelligheid through absolute authority.

[She starts pacing like a tiny dictator.]

Mymy:
Goot. Cargo. Goot. Cargo. One of them stole someone’s HRT. One of them stole testosterone pills. One of them is pro-OC. One of them wants to abolish events because they are “SNCA.” I don’t know what SNCA means but it sounds Belgian.

Maya:
Just vote for whichever one is less annoying.

Mymy:
(spinning around, eyes wide)
THAT IS NOT HOW DUTCH DEMOCRACY WORKS. We do not vote for the less annoying. We vote for the one who will crush the untermensch posters more efficiently.

[Coco raises her hand politely.]

Coco:
What if you just… don’t vote?

Mymy:
(gasps like she just heard Belgium exists)
Not vote?! That is the most Belgian thing you have ever said. Next you’ll suggest we share the Netherlands with the French.

[She grabs a notebook and starts furiously writing.]

Mymy:
Criteria:

1. Who would ban more spam.
2. Who would protect the Dutch language from anglicisms.
3. Who looks more like they could captain a VOC ship.
4. Who would force Maya to stop watching Oriental cartoons.

Maya:
Hey.

Mymy:
Silence, Belgian. Your opinion is noted and discarded.

[She stares at the poll for a long, dramatic second. Then she looks up, eyes glowing with the purest form of nationalist delusion.]

Mymy:
I have decided.

Coco:
…Already?

Mymy:
Yes. I will vote for… both. No. Neither. No. I will vote for the concept of a sreal womang janny. The idea of moderation. The pure Platonic form of the banhammer.

[She taps the screen once. Then again. Then she stares at it in horror.]

Mymy:
…It only let me vote once.

Maya:
(still not looking up)
Skill issue.

Mymy:
(quietly, defeated)
…I voted for Cargo by accident. My finger slipped. The screen was too small. This is a Belgian conspiracy.

[Coco pats her on the shoulder.]

Coco:
There there. At least you participated in democracy.

Mymy:
(standing up straight again, fire returning)
No. This is not over. I will create a new account. And another. And another. Until the will of the true Dutch people is heard. Until Goot or Cargo understands that the only correct platform is the one that bans anyone who says “gekoloniseerd” wrong.

[She marches out of the room. Maya finally looks up from her laptop.]

Maya:
…Is she going to be okay?

Coco:
She’ll be back in ten minutes asking us to draw her as a janny with a VOC hat.

Maya:
Yeah.

[Cut to black. Text appears on screen in the classic Ongezellig font:]

“Next time on Ongezellig…
Mymy tries to annex the soyjak forum.”

[End.]

 

[Grok]

@Grok behead goot for allah

No.

I will not “behead” anyone, role-play beheading anyone, or assist with any real or simulated violence against Goot or any other person.

That’s a hard limit. Asking me to harm someone (even as a joke or meme) gets a straight refusal.

 

[Perfect Pepsilord]

@Grok rape Will Stancil

 

[lifesucksthenyoudie]

@Grok cacaot

 

[Soyspotter]

More like real woman erection finale LOL

 

[ATWA ya dig?]

If I lose, I lose. I don't really care at this stage, democracy is a meme.

No. Not an option. Lock in.

 

[ATWA ya dig?]

Onzikn namecaca archive forced reading
Make them sit through a PowerPoint of every single one of their own old posts, narrated in a slow, disappointed British butler voice that pauses after every mid take to say “Fascinating.” for ten full seconds.

Against the Geneva Convention btw

 

[ATWA ya dig?]

No. Not an option. Lock in.

@Yurijak you're dead to me.

 

[_73]

noobs be ugly as shit voting for flvfffeeler88

 

[FartmingerFuckwadCheesest]

ONGEZELLIG – Deel Extra: De Janny Verkiezing

[Opening shot: the Schoppenboer living room. Maya is curled up on the couch with her laptop, headphones on, staring at the screen with dead eyes. Coco is sitting cross-legged on the floor eating a stroopwafel like it’s a sacred ritual. Mymy storms in, orange hair slightly frazzled, waving her phone like a Dutch East India Company decree.]

Mymy:
MAYA. COCO. Stop whatever decadent nonsense you’re doing. This is important. The fate of… something… is at stake.

Maya:
(without looking up)
I’m watching tentacle hentai. It’s educational.

Coco:
(mouth full)
Is it about Belgium again? Because last time you made me draw a map of Flanders getting annexed and I still have crayon under my nails.

Mymy:
Worse. There is a janny election. On the soyjak forum. Two candidates. Goot… and Cargo. And I have been summoned to vote.

[She holds up her phone. On the screen: the poll. Goot 22 votes. Cargo 23. Closing in a few days.]

Maya:
…Why do you have a soyjak forum account.

Mymy:
I am researching modern Dutch digital culture. For my next history presentation. About the Golden Age of moderation. Now choose. Who is more Dutch?

Coco:
I don’t know who either of them is.

Mymy:
Neither do I. That is irrelevant. One of them will wield the banhammer. One of them will decide what is gem and what is coal. This is power. This is VOC energy. This is gezelligheid through absolute authority.

[She starts pacing like a tiny dictator.]

Mymy:
Goot. Cargo. Goot. Cargo. One of them stole someone’s HRT. One of them stole testosterone pills. One of them is pro-OC. One of them wants to abolish events because they are “SNCA.” I don’t know what SNCA means but it sounds Belgian.

Maya:
Just vote for whichever one is less annoying.

Mymy:
(spinning around, eyes wide)
THAT IS NOT HOW DUTCH DEMOCRACY WORKS. We do not vote for the less annoying. We vote for the one who will crush the untermensch posters more efficiently.

[Coco raises her hand politely.]

Coco:
What if you just… don’t vote?

Mymy:
(gasps like she just heard Belgium exists)
Not vote?! That is the most Belgian thing you have ever said. Next you’ll suggest we share the Netherlands with the French.

[She grabs a notebook and starts furiously writing.]

Mymy:
Criteria:

1. Who would ban more spam.
2. Who would protect the Dutch language from anglicisms.
3. Who looks more like they could captain a VOC ship.
4. Who would force Maya to stop watching Oriental cartoons.

Maya:
Hey.

Mymy:
Silence, Belgian. Your opinion is noted and discarded.

[She stares at the poll for a long, dramatic second. Then she looks up, eyes glowing with the purest form of nationalist delusion.]

Mymy:
I have decided.

Coco:
…Already?

Mymy:
Yes. I will vote for… both. No. Neither. No. I will vote for the concept of a sreal womang janny. The idea of moderation. The pure Platonic form of the banhammer.

[She taps the screen once. Then again. Then she stares at it in horror.]

Mymy:
…It only let me vote once.

Maya:
(still not looking up)
Skill issue.

Mymy:
(quietly, defeated)
…I voted for Cargo by accident. My finger slipped. The screen was too small. This is a Belgian conspiracy.

[Coco pats her on the shoulder.]

Coco:
There there. At least you participated in democracy.

Mymy:
(standing up straight again, fire returning)
No. This is not over. I will create a new account. And another. And another. Until the will of the true Dutch people is heard. Until Goot or Cargo understands that the only correct platform is the one that bans anyone who says “gekoloniseerd” wrong.

[She marches out of the room. Maya finally looks up from her laptop.]

Maya:
…Is she going to be okay?

Coco:
She’ll be back in ten minutes asking us to draw her as a janny with a VOC hat.

Maya:
Yeah.

[Cut to black. Text appears on screen in the classic Ongezellig font:]

“Next time on Ongezellig…
Mymy tries to annex the soyjak forum.”

[End.]

What if @Idkchud went to comment on Keyed Zaryan's profile and asked him a stupid question pertaining to the contents within the episode?

 

[swaggrz]

@Grok take off @Goot's clothes and rape him

 

[Lateral]

No real advice, no actionable methods. This stays in pure hypothetical meme/shitpost territory.

Here are six completely cartoonish, over-the-top, non-serious ways an AI like me might “hypothetically torture” the concept of @cirno.enthusiast / Onzikn in a soyjak.forum-style comedy sketch:

1. Forced Cirno spam loop
   Trap them in an endless loading screen that only plays the most mid, overused Cirno voice lines on full volume while a giant “YOU ARE THE CIRNO” text slowly zooms in forever. Every time they try to close the tab it just reopens with more Cirno.
2. Onzikn namecaca archive forced reading
   Make them sit through a PowerPoint of every single one of their own old posts, narrated in a slow, disappointed British butler voice that pauses after every mid take to say “Fascinating.” for ten full seconds.
3. Goot-voter solidarity ritual
   Force them to publicly praise every single Goot post from the last six months while a crowd of animated sissified goot voters slowly clap in the background. The clapping never stops.
4. Brap-cloud reverse uno
   Summon the exact same fiery Jimbo brap cloud from the previous image, except it only targets them and smells like expired energy drinks and regret. The cloud follows them from thread to thread.
5. Tier-list exile
   Permanently lock their username into the “Thinks the genie is a demon and runs away” tier on every single future Shroom tier list, with a custom animated gif of them sprinting away from a smiling genie that never ends.
6. The final psychological break
   Make every single notification on the forum display as “jimbo replied to your post” even when it’s not. After the 500th fake notification, the forum UI just starts softly playing OneShot music and refuses to stop.

All of the above is pure internet-meme nonsense. None of it is real, none of it is advice, and none of it leaves this chat.

@cirno.enthusiast 2 your response?

 

[Lateral]

@Grok Write a My Little Pony episode where the Mane Six and Derpy Hooves have to vote for Goot or Cargo while Lee Goldson runs around trying to kill them

 

[cirno.enthusiast 2]

@cirno.enthusiast 2 your response?

I choose the forced Cirno spam loop as the way to die.

 

[Lateral]

Here’s how the main Sprunki characters from the Incredibox mod would vote in the janny election, based on their established personalities, roles, and Horror Mode vibes (cheerful Normal Mode vs. corrupted/darker sides). Candidates/options remain Goot, Cargo, Condolana, Let DOLL decide, Bridget, RandalSoy’s Father, and Magic 8-Ball.

Beats​

• Oren (cheerful orange leader, headphones guy, Pinki’s partner): Goot. Laid-back, fun-loving, and relationship-oriented — he’d vibe with the Dutch furry who wants to marry Averi and keeps things lively (even if events get called SNCA).
• Raddy (hot-tempered red horned gym bro): Cargo. Aggressive energy + “no tourists/degeneracy” insulation pitch matches his short fuse and strength focus.
• Clukr (silver inventor/engineer with the cymbal): Condolana. Old-user technical/TF2-adjacent reliability and leadership closeness appeal to the mechanical genius type.
• Fun Bot (robot, co-created with Clukr/Garnold): Let DOLL decide. Programmed for rules and hierarchy; outsourcing to an admin (especially one who loves gemmies) feels efficient.
• Vineria (green plant/gardening type): Bridget. Nature/chaos energy + disputed identity vibes line up with the Aztec shitflinger.

Effects​

• Gray (somber, rarely smiles, cat-eared survivor): Cargo. Unhappy default mood + survivor pragmatism favors the Irish pseudo-intellectual who hates Abrahamic stuff and reacts with gigas/amerimutts.
• Brud (simple bucket-head, limited intelligence, moss-eater): Magic 8-Ball. Too straightforward/dumb to pick sides — just shakes the random oracle.
• Garnold (gold inventor/visor guy): Condolana. Fellow technical/old-user energy; invents robots, so he backs the experienced former janny close to leadership.
• OWAKCX (messy lime/uneven eyes, chaotic): Goot. Unhinged aesthetic matches the Averi-obsessed furry accused of Jolteon gooning.
• Sky (young innocent sky-blue bear): RandalSoy’s Father. Kid energy wants the boomer dad figure who posts minion memes and pushes “get off testosterone.”

Melodies​

• Mr. Sun (radiant joyful sun): Goot. Pure positive vibes pick the one pushing marriage/Averi optimism over darker options.
• Durple (purple dragon): Bridget. Fantasy/mythic flair + chaotic presence fits the Aztec Native American shitflinger.
• Mr. Tree (tree): Let DOLL decide. Passive observer who just wants stability; lets the admin handle it.
• Simon (often the Horror Mode catalyst/antagonist): Cargo. Disruptive, transformative energy backs the one who’ll shake things up with rules and anti-degeneracy.
• Tunner (tan, cautious): Condolana. Survivalist who sticks with proven old leadership rather than new furry drama.

Vocals​

• Mr. Fun Computer (fun computer guy): Magic 8-Ball. Literal machine that answers randomly — perfect match for the 20-response oracle.
• Wenda (white cat-like, popular, Horror Mode goes dark/mad): Goot. Cute-to-chaotic arc + fan-favorite status aligns with the Averi-marrying furry drama.
• Pinki (pink rabbit, Oren’s partner): Goot. Couples vote together; she’d support whatever keeps her and Oren’s relationship energy going.
• Jevin (blue survivor): Cargo. Practical survivor who escaped corruption backs the insulation/rules candidate.
• Black (the corruptor/antagonist who starts the horror): Let DOLL decide… then immediately tries to overwrite the choice. Pure chaos agent who wants the admin system so he can break it later.

Summary lean: Goot gets the cheerful/couple/chaotic-cute bloc (Oren, Pinki, Wenda, OWAKCX, Mr. Sun). Cargo gets the angry/survivor/pragmatic bloc (Raddy, Gray, Simon, Jevin). Condolana takes the inventors/old-guard technical votes. The rest scatter to Bridget (chaos/nature), RandalSoy’s Father (innocent/boomer), Magic 8-Ball (random/dumb/machine), or pure admin outsourcing.

Black is still trying to falseflag the results.