I will never have anyone who truly cares for me because of who I am. So I will be alone. Conditional love would not cure this sadness, conditional love would not make me feel any less alone. But all love is conditional in this world now. I want someone who loves me because I am generous, because I am nice, because I do the things I do, not to love the things I do. But that doesn't exist now. So I will be alone. This is not about romance. "Friends" always want something from you, not you. If you don't have family now, its just over, you're just alone. It drives me crazy. So I will be alone. I have no one in my real life that wants to help me through this, I am alone. People only want to harvest the good fruits and not water the tree. The tree is alone. So I will be alone. The world is horrible. I feel supa sick again.
Saying stuff like "I will never" is internally demoralizing and only compounds upon sadness you feel inside, you can't say "never" without knowing what happens tomorrow.
That might sound like a hopeful cope I'm saying to cheer you up, but if you feel as though you won't ever be loved in a meaningful way there's probably truth to that idea of yours.
I speak in first person now because I don't know how you think, but my thought process when I thought about "Nobody will ever love me" comes from prior social rejection. I've faced a lot of ostracization growing up and don't feel in anyway that I have ever been chosen or prioritized among other people. You mention family, but to me, seeing them only try to care about me when my other brothers have become failures is disgusting and eye opening. Biological love to me, although real in some ways, feels shallow to me because their love is more out of obligation rather than choice because of societal norms, the law, etc.
Internally, I know that I have value, but when others don't reciprocate that, and don't validate that thought, it makes me think about my humanity. I'm human too, right, why is it that the tribe makes it seem otherwise? That's what I use to think before I started to respect myself more.
And that self respect is a cope born of being thrown aside, it's a protective mechanism to make me feel better, but if I acknowledge that and continue to move on in life, it isn't being reactive anymore, it's a concious decision and it's freeing.
The reality is everyone faces their problems, we're not special just because we suffered more. There is no great reward waiting for us for our suffering as we live. Some are cowardly and push you aside because that makes life easy for them, they act out of selfish convenience. Others may mistreat you out of hatred when you're weak, so that feel powerful, so that they can feel like they have some ounce of control in their lives. When you start to see the hierarchy and ulterior motives behind everything in life it makes it all start to seem like a game where everyone is so pathetically weak and shallow. It just circles back to that whole "you don't know" idea from earlier, we don't know that for sure, so it's better to keep on trying, right?
To me, there is beauty in the human weakness and I find love in that. If you want unconditional love, I am willing to offer it. I am lonely too , I can give you my steam or discord.